Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Not THIS Introverted!

I've been studying here since about 10 am.
Yesterday, I was here from about 9:30am-4:30 pm including a good lunch break w/ HP :) and then I went to my night class...
Tomorrow it starts all over again: 6:00 alarm, 7:30 class, online class/study.
I don't think I've seen my roommate for more than 5 minutes since the week started.

Sorry I just gotta let this out.

I like being independent... but this is a bit much.
Haha, this is complete proof that I am not a 100% introvert.
My friends, so many of them are here on campus doing the CA thing or whatever...
but if I don't stay focused on my work there's no way I'll keep up.
Thankfully, I've pretty much got the week's assignments over with for one class, just gotta keep up reading for the other and online discussion for the "other other" class.
Tonight's gonna be sooo good :)
Can you tell I've been thinking a little much?

I'd be surprised if anyone's made it this far down, sorry this is so boring!

Another flight on Friday! Both exciting and stressful at the same time.
It'll be good, as always :)

I need to find something else to do...
Like sleeping. Or eating...
That'd be good :)

Wow this is a sad blog...

Friday, May 23, 2008

3 Weeks of Summer...

...hasn't quite been summer, but I'll take it. :)

It's been a whirlwind of juggling family time with some major projects that need to be tackled. I came home to this beautiful city and just started pouring my time into a mission trip to India that I am coordinating. PHEW! It's been so intense, but when the trip comes it'll all be SO WORTH it! I can't lie it's been stressful. Getting responses from people and decisions made can create such a road block for progress. Unfortunately the stress carried over into my family, especially my brother, and I wasn't being the best sister to be around. That Thursday night I had a breakdown, but thankfully my mentor was up baking a cake (I should thank her dog cuz he ate some of the first cake lol)! I tried to hold it in at first and then just let the tears loose and told her how horrible I felt for not being here for my brother and how things weren't holding steady with the mission trip and I was loosing grip on my confidence in Christ and how this is all going to turn out in good timing.
The best thing she said to me was this (yes, I wrote it down):

"It may be a worry to you, but it's not to God. He's got it all figured out,
He has got it all figured out." it. :)

God's been pushing to get the focus right again. The business details of the trip need to get done, but ultimately, the trip is centered around Him. If I am not walking with Him, then everything I've been doing is meaningless.

Since the focus is being fixed, the load has lightened. Things are falling into place and people are extending their hands to help me carry the load.

This week, I've had the chance to catch up with some old friends and spend more time with my family. :) And my sister flies in tomorrow!!!!!!!! I'm SO EXCITED!!! It's nice to breathe a little, but the work doesn't stop! Haha, I had to start my sociology assignments today... yay for summer semester?

Regardless, I can't lie, it's exciting to still anticipate another flight and a summer with some of the greatest people on earth...
I can feel a new chapter beginning!

Monday, May 12, 2008

A Woman-When Loved Well-Blossoms.

It's only for the weak
For the faint of heart
Those driven to their knees
Those who live with scars
There's power from beyond
We're certain where it's from
And that's our source of strength
Before we follow Christ
We need to be advised
It's only for the weak

Wow, Sophomore year has come to an end. This year has been a 180 degree change from the year before! Everything that wasn't good enough, all my worries, scars, shame, insecurities: gone. I can't even begin to tell in detail about the areas of weakness in my life that Christ has filled.

It is truly a miracle.

But two weeks before the school year started I was fearful of going back. I wasn't sure I was ready to face the things I left behind-afraid that I had lost friends, my "status" (as if that matters!), my security. Fact of the matter is, if I were able to see into the future, I would have been running & jumping with anticipation for this year to hurry up and start!

Best year ever? Perhaps. :)

By human standards, I probably didn't live up to the definition of the "best year ever". I almost failed Integrated Accounting, a 6 hour credit course that sunk my GPA into the dirt, and had a breakdown out of frustration because I had no clue whether my major was really something I should continue studying. Frat parties and formals that I was once invited to slowly drifted from my immediate friendships. I backed out of a sorority full of amazing girls who enthusiastically gave me a bid. Stomach flu hit me for the first time in my life. I discovered I wouldn't be able to see my wonderful family for more than one period of 3 weeks within 2008. And by spring time, couples have come out in full bloom and so are engagement rings.

So let go, 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.

It really was a beautiful thing. :)
Amidst these imperfections of my life story, I have learned what it means to really learn. Though my GPA is important, it doesn't define me or my ability to succeed. God has led me to step out in faith to pursue a degree in Social Entrepreneurship and I have never been so fired up to take on different courses even though it costs me some time in summer school.
I have been so lovingly reminded that my "status" of importance and worth isn't in joining a greek organization or mingling with frat boys, but it is in the people I pour life into wherever I am. The unsettling feeling in my heart when I initially took the bid from Alpha Sigma Tau was such a sign that there were other relationships and events I needed to spend my time on, like volunteering at Nashville CARES and growing so much closer to Rachel & Aslan.
Even though sickness comes, there is healing. Mine came within a day-it was a humbling 24 hours in which I discovered 3 friends who still loved me in that state. Though distance separates me from family, my love for them has overtaken my heart as a result. The blessing of a mentorship and a big, warm embrace from her family has also been a great comfort to rest in.
As far as singleness goes, I have thoroughly embraced it. I LOVE my life and the honest satisfaction there is in living everyday with Christ by my side. In "ooh-ing" and "ahh-ing" diamond adorned hands, listening to proposal stories, and saying "Congratulations," I am by no means envious or disappointed by my own state. To be single is a luxury that many forego or blindly rush through.

And I've found myself in You...

Because He loves me...and because I let Him love me, my life has grown in full bloom-He has loved me well. :)

What a triumphant year!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Social Work Makes Me MAD.

Not the class, but what we study in it.

I have my final tomorrow morning so I have been doing a basic overview of the chapters; this stuff makes me squirm in my chair every time I read it.

So many people are uninsured, CHILDREN are the highest population living in poverty....
High schoolers have to deal with violence, teen pregnancy, STDs, dropping out, etc.

In the city of Nashville alone, there is a 60%-70% high school graduation rate.
ONLY 60%-70%!
That's ridiculous!
These kids need to at least get their GED to get anywhere in the least bit, but obviously they are not even motivated to make it that far.

Why are African Americans 27 times more likely to go to jail for the same crime a white man commits? WHY?!

Out of everything I have studied today, the poverty threshold, its creation and current status is the thing that rubs me the worst way. Here is an excerpt of what is in my notes:

The Poverty Threshold was created by taking the 1955 cost of a minimum adequate diet for families of different sizes and multiplying the cost by three to allow for other expenses (the diet used was the Economy Food Plan, the cheapest of four food plans issued by the U.S. Department of Agriculture).
It has never been updated to account for changing household consumption patterns.
(getting angrier...)
The cost of child care was NOT figured into the official guidelines because the typical family in the 1950s had one wage earner and a stay-at-home mother.
The guidelines do not recognize geographic differences even though the cost of food, clothing and housing VARIES from state to state and within states. Also, the poverty measure does not take into account differences between urban areas (where housing costs tend to be higher) and rural areas (where transportation costs are higher).

There are NO economic calculations made for anyone in this country that is living in poverty. I'm sorry but this just pisses me off. I mean, come on! We all know the cost of living is different in Birmingham, Alabama than it is in San Diego, California! How do they expect people to make it? Obviously, whoever made this whole thing doesn't actually care that there are real people out there barely getting by every single day.
Thinking about this brings me back to my volunteer work at the HIV/AIDS Center. Some of the paper work I had to file contained each client's monthly income. It was insane to see the digits vary from completely nothing to near $30,000. It's unfortunate that money has so much to do with the well-being of someone's health or general success in life... even if they are hit with the same tragedy.
I don't even know where to start or what it would take to create change. It is so easy to come across people here that are homeless and come around begging for money or help getting medicine or a ride, etc. But as a female, I am extra cautious and it cramps my ability to be generous. On top of that, I want better for them than to just give them a bit of cash. I feel like doing volunteer work is the only effective way to get them provisions they need.

Sigh. When are people going to wake up and realize that it is so much better to put more money toward preventative care than to clean up all the damage after someone's life has been ruined by a poor education (if any), poverty, disease, and/or crime??

Still squirming...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

{.Restorative Justice.}~|FRECKLES|

These past few days have been absolutely amazing!! Aside from the weather getting better, life has just been awesome amidst the stress of ending another school year.

But anyway, I went to the graduation ceremony for my friend's sociology class called Restorative Justice. This class is made up of about 10 university students and about 10 men who are in the transition stage between serving time and going on parole.

It was life changing.

The warmth in that room was stunning! I could not wipe the smile off my face from the time I walked into the classroom until we got our licenses back that night.

I've never experienced such beauty in a is so difficult to put into words.

The joy on each man's face as he greeted his family and friends.
Tears that were shed as a heart of repentance verbally expressed his transformation.
Hugs and cheers.
To see a guilty man go free because his debt is now paid, is that not the vision God had intended for us as a community of people?

They are capable of repentance.
They are capable of reform.
They were made to be forgiven.
To have a second chance at life.

I was completely taken aback when I found out what some of these men were convicted of.
Surely that man did not commit murder!
The glimmer of joy in his eyes and wide smile on his face suggested the opposite of his life.

Oh how things change when a man is given the opportunity to hope, be embraced regardless of his past; to know that he has a second chance and it is a chance to succeed.


I wondered if I could trade my body with somebody else in magazines
With the whole world full at my feet
I phantom worthy and would blame my failures on the ugliness I could see
When the mirror looked at me
Sometimes I feel like the little girl who doesn’t belong in her own world
But I'm getting better
And I'm reminding myself

...Why waste a second not loving who you are?
Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable,
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are


This song has been such an encouragement to me tonight.
This is probably the 20th time I'm listening to it. :)
It's not that I am the least bit lonely.
I just don't feel good enough.
I am that girl that is always put on hold just in case the prettier, funnier one doesn't work out.

The further I get into college and get stuck dealing with the constant pressure to find someone the more unappealing it becomes...
guys seem more like flakes,
expecting me to give them attention without pursuing me,
or when I do my part to generate a friendship they don't do their part or freak out!
It's like everyone is struck with paranoia:
when all I want are genuine friendships before any sort of romance, I get struck with the f-word.
"blah blah blah, friend."

In the way that comes off like they are so paranoid that I want more from them that very second.

Does it seem like I am contradicting myself?
I am just SO SICK of thinking about a possible relationship or about where this or that could be leading to.
I just want to be me-
to be loved for being the weird, nerdy, NOT funny, happy, people-loving person that I am confident God is molding me to be.

I am exhausted from feeling like I have to be someone else to be accepted.
The guy[s?] I feel the most real with could care less about really loving me.
Why am I never good enough?
Will I ever be?

I know I am enough in Christ.
He is more than enough for me.
But in my relationships, romantic or not,
I am just never enough.
This world holds a different standard to me
and I don't match up.
Nothing in this world ever feels like enough for me either.

This is an ongoing cycle of dissatisfaction.
Relationships that have nothing to do with romance and high maintenance are usually the most effective ones I have ever experienced.

Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable...reflecting who you are.

Maybe someday someone will say that to me.
Regardless, I will one day rest in the midst of heavenly treasures stored up in my lifetime.
Whether human appreciation comes my way or not.

Friday, April 11, 2008

So Ridiculous...

I find it pitiful to believe that THIS is what we put our hope in...

Yesterday, I was volunteering at an HIV/AIDS Social Services Center and one of the things they needed me to do was put together Safer Sex Kits. I had done this once before and never thought twice about it, my mind was too busy analyzing the fact that I was handling more condoms and lubes than I had ever seen in my entire life! But this time the guilt seeped into my heart as I was making them...I just wanted to stop and wash my hands (both literally and figuratively speaking). I don't want people to have sex outside of the context that God created it for!
To many, it seems like a childish thing to be sad about. I can't even estimate how many of those I made, but every time I tossed a finished one into a box I couldn't help but hurt for that person who is going to pick it up at the club it's distributed to and use it. I know that not taking part of it won't necessarily promote abstinence, but it just might for a few people.

I need to go wash my hands again...

Monday, April 07, 2008

A Life of Service

"I slept and dreamt that life was joy

I woke and saw that life was service

I acted and behold, service was joy"

-Rabindranath Tagore

That little poem was written by the same man, Rabindranath Tagore that wrote India's national anthem. :)
I love how everything I have been researching today has somehow tied into my life.
It's amazing how one day a person can be so far from God and the next so close.
All because he came clean before his Maker.
That's how my past 2 days have been!

I am so obsessed with this new career path God is leading me on it's amazing!! Social Entrepreneurship just sets my heart on fire with excitement. :)

A perfect example of Social Entrepreneurship is TOMS Shoes. If you haven't heard of them yet, you need to check it out right now! And if you already know of them, you should read up on the company some more :) I am absolutely in love with it- the concept is so simple yet makes a GRAND effect on our world!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

"I'm addicted to you, don't you know that your toxic?"

“Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.”
- Jack Handy


As you can probably tell bogging has taken a back seat these last 2 weeks. I've made a home in Starbuck's and one of the Student Centers in town: studying my time away. But it's definitely paid off cuz I'm pretty sure I did well on these tests and such I've been having!

Anywho, onto the deep stuff lol:

I feel like my whole life has suddenly changed!

One minute I'm going thru the normal process of being indecisive about Music Business and the next I found myself stepping out in faith and growing up more than I thought I would at this point.

The realization finally hit me last night that I won't be home much for the rest of the calendar year...

Haha, not gonna lie, it's really hard to think this hard right now cuz I am officially on Spring Break!!

Here's the point:
I'm changing my major.
((And I'm VERY excited!!! It finally makes sense!!))
Also, I'm staying down south for the summer to catch up.
Most of my closest friends are staying this summer-it's gonna be AMAZING!!!!!

So yeah, that's it! I'm going to end this blog w/ my recent YouTube addiction:

Haha, this video makes me happy. :)

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

{{.Exceeding Expectations.}}

You remind me...
Words You've spoken over my life
Promises I've yet to see
You comfort me

Man. Life is good.
I have the tendency to forget to write blogs when I'm happy cuz I just keep going with life.
But these are the times that are most important to record!

What a year. :)

I am very aware that my life isn't perfect,
but it is so undeniably covered in grace, love, and blessings!
Every time I stop questioning God about what's next
or how I should handle situations-
It all simply comes together!

Suddenly, opportunities and decisions fall right into my lap,
progress takes place without my even knowing,
and then I hesitate cuz I just can't believe that it's right there and green lights are flashing around me!

Ah, the beauty of surrender.

I feel sorry for people who think that Christianity is a list of do's and don'ts!
They're missing out on the DEFINITION of freedom!

Gosh, I am so excited about all the things God's been speaking into my life!
The year to come is going to be such a journey!!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Family Business, Jack Johnson, and Everything Awesome In Between!

AT LAST!!!!!
For those of you that don't know, my brother, sister and I have been working at starting a photography business together. Weddings, Fashion, Headshots, Bands, Marketing...ya know, for all that fun stuff in life!
Well, my sister just sent me the link to the blog and it's great!

I have to say, my gratitude for my brother and sister has risen at the sight of that blog. Seeing something online for it is making me realize just how real it is... they have put way more work into the company than I even realized since I'm here in my little college world just trying to get to graduation and shooting for ministries before really invest my time into this business.
But it's SO exciting! So check it out! My brother's the one who's been shooting everything that's on the blog right now (I'll be adding some VERY soon!) but there will be more to come!!


I had to write a paper for class with the topic "Technology and its impact on...[fill in the blank]" and had a lightbulb moment when I thought of the recent CD I had bought, Jack Johnson's Sleep Through The Static, and how the album was recorded using 100% solar energy.

So I checked out his website and it is AMAZING what Jack Johnson and his crew are doing to minimize waste! (Yes, I am an environmentalist in the making) But this other organization: One Percent for the Planet is SO cool. :) They basically just work with businesses to donate 1% toward a cause that FTP is partnered with. I looked at the website and without hesitation thought "I would love to work with these guys!" I don't know why, it just seemed intriguing. :)

Enjoy surfing these sites! :-D

Thursday, February 14, 2008

I Can't Keep Waiting to Live[!]

I just can't do homework right now. Though I've been pushing myself from the moment I woke up entertaining the idea of skipping my 8am class, I managed to convince myself to move. Class is important. Do what it takes to keep an A. But I've had the urge to write a blog since yesterday evening.


My spirit is starving right now.
Alright now, no breakdowns in the Beaman are allowed. :)

Lord, with You, there's nothing I cannot do.
My hands, my feet, my everything.
My life, my love: Lord use me.
I wanna set the world on fire.

There isn't one specific thing to pinpoint the ache in my heart's a bunch of things linked to one another.

But there are some song lyrics that seem to encompass my heart as a whole right now:
"I found when I said yes that I'd never be the same.
Though the call is hard, You are worth it all."

Big sacrifices call for big changes.
I gave Him a big part of my heart.
Now I can't go back.
I know I don't want to, but it's hard to stay consistent in this surrender.

Fill us up and send us out, Lord.
We must go!
Live to feed the hungry,
stand beside the broken,
we must go.
Stepping forward,
keep us from just singing.
Move us into action-
we MUST go.

I must go...

College is getting harder and I don't just mean it's more academically challenging.
Sometimes I just want to burst from waiting on everything all the time-
from trying to fulfill the demands of a standard that doesn't even last for eternity.
Adrenaline has been crashing inside me like waves in a tumble.
When will the word 'adventure' finally be the label on my life?

There is so much to be praying about, but time stops for no one.
Trying to be type A sucks for someone who's so type B.
Or maybe this is a change I'm supposed to undergo.
If only classes really could be given up for lent.

Red letter day, I'm in a blue mood. Wishing that blue would just carry me away...But surely something has got to, got to, got to give cuz I can't keep waiting to live!

I have got to get out of this apathy.
It's hard when college is designed to be so specific to each individual.
Everyone's here to specialize in what they are good at, to go out and do something for their future.
Where does the balance come between self and others?
All these challenges seem to recur constantly.
I'll probably be dealing with the same stupid sin and struggles for the rest of my life.

But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom.

That is all I rest in.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

>>Severance. Brown Skin and Straddling.<<

There's so much rolling through my head right now, I don't know what to write! Augh. Frustration...

There's too many things I haven't done yet. There's too many sunsets I haven't seen.

Life is certainly an adventure, that's for sure.
But even as I'm writing this, it's frustrating me because I feel self-centered just for writing a blog.
I just have to process and this is one way that I do.
The letter I is filling up this page real fast.

God has brought my heart to such a place of surrender and blessings but with that, of course, comes so much war.
Everyday, Lord.
Everyday, I have to surrender.

It's frustrating because as much as I surrender things, they aren't fully detached from me. I still care.
I don't even want to care anymore.
Contempt towards the things I hold on to seems like the solution to make a clean cut--no pain involved.
I would be enveloped in a greater level of freedom if I didn't care.
But this is how you made me, Lord.
I am fighting my very nature.

May the vision of you be the death of me

My heart has been praying to God for a solution, for a way out, something to help re-focus. Then I went online and found this waiting for me:

“However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"
-1 Corinthians 2:9

What a promise!
Nobody can conceive what He has prepared for those of us that love Him.

Lately, I've really been struggling with my ability to connect with others at a cultural level.
This is such a personal thing to be posting online, but there's not really anyone here that would quite get it.
So I'm just gonna type it to get it out of my system.

I have been born and raised into Middle-Class White America.
But I am not white.
Nor am I solely American.
I am also Indian.
But I am not just Indian.
I am also Filipino.
A first generation immigrant.
A minority.

It is so much easier to pencil in the bubble of ASIAN/PACIFIC ISLANDER on suveys, official exams, and whatnot.
That hardly scratches the surface of who I am and where generations before me come from.

No one really understands except my family.
I am certain that is a lot of why I treasure them more than anyone.
And I LOVE my roots. I wouldn't trade them for anything. Ever.

But now that I am older, I am realizing that I am not the same as my white friends or my black friends.
I feel so unidentifiable at times.
Even now I feel afraid to completely be my true self...
More than anything, I feel like I lack the freedom to be naturally goofy or silly with people.
As if my humor is acted out in a different way than what everyone else would understand.

I hate how serious I am much of the time.
Laughter brings such a connection among people.
There is nothing like laughing 'til my stomach hurts.
But I am not sure people would actually laugh that hard with me.
I'm not sure I would laugh that hard with them...

And the whole 'significant other' thing?
Gosh, I'm afraid.
It's hard to grasp the idea of being able to really laugh/talk and be myself 100% with someone outside my culture group the way I laugh with my family.
But I want to see that connection made!

Coming back to the fact that we are all created in God's image and are all made for the same purpose always gives me rest.
Though I doubt God brought culture into the world to be ignored.
So I'm trying to figure it out, God.
I am an Indian-Filipino-American.
Whatever that means...

...that means, with the unique things You have put into my life, they will come together to be used for your glory.

I already see that, without my background, I doubt I'd be so in love with different cultures the way I am.

So, I think I have the spiritual side of it down and all, but Father, give me understanding at a cultural level.

In Jesus' Name I pray,

Monday, January 28, 2008

To Be a Lover of Music.

(This is from Monday 1/28, it just never posted...)

Sitting in the curb cafe as I type this, my ears are gulping down with eagerness the sounds of my friend Brandon's acoustic guitar and crisp, clear voice blending through the air. I can hardly type. Everything in me wants to stop and sit in midst of such beautiful sound.

But I just had a conversation with a friend about such music and felt like I should write while my wheels are turning. Okay, wait, I am going to stop til this song is over...

So I was talking to a friend about how just recently our passion for music, our drive to play or sing music has come back after being dormant for a couple years. And... well, here goes:

To be a lover, a true lover of music is to feel sound through your veins. To know the beauty of every note's intricacy. To be a lover is to be moved physically, internally, mentally, until nothing else invades you except the sound of chord progressions, harmonies, crescendos and decrescendos.

As I'm displaying these thoughts my friends right next to me are clapping, jumping up and down and shouting in response to Robert Kelly singing a song in Swahili on stage.

Oh how this makes me smile. :)

There have been a few incidences where my friend and I felt like maybe we should do something else with our lives...but deep down, we know we could never leave it.

That passion can be covered up by some things, but it fights its way out again the minute those strings are strummed or that voice rings out.

Because when you love music, the sound doesn't just go through your ears. It penetrates even your finger tips and flows through sugar in your bloodstream.

Lover of music, don't grow unfaithful.

Monday, January 21, 2008


I never thought I would fall this hard.
It was something I always sought after, but now... it's real.

It's like, even though my desire has been to fall into complete surrender, I never grasped what it must be like.

And suddenly, I feel like I'm there.
I've hit this new place of surrender in my life and it's...WOW!
So this is what it feels like when a heart is set ablaze.

I'm not trying to sound all cocky and super-Christian-ish.
But, seriously guys, let's cut the crap.


I feel out of my mind right now! Even reading what I'm writing is just strange.

This is a very strange addiction, but I like it. :)

Saturday, January 19, 2008


The kind of bait you put out determines the type of fish you catch.

It's easy to want attention.
As a woman, it is even easier to find ways of gaining that attention.

But what is it worth in the end?
That gain is neither lasting nor fulfilling.

No guy is going to look at a girl's body and think "Man, I would love to learn about her character and interests."

It breaks my heart to see women throw away their desire to be a lady because they need security in a male now. He pursues her, he wins, no matter his integrity. If she even waits to let him pursue her.

My desire is for a partner. A team.
An outlook that respects, honors, and complements the other's strengths and weaknesses.
Our heart is for the Lord and His kingdom.
We wouldn't be in it just to get what we want from each other.

I know that is God's hope for all of us too.
It's not like these convictions were my idea!

But if I am to boast in anything, let me boast about the beauty my Lord has painted in my life.
His gentle, colorful brush strokes have covered every bit of tarnish and rust.
My Love has filled the holes of brokenness with satisfaction and joy.
I am no longer scrap metal.
Of that, I am certain.

Friday, January 11, 2008

The Basics.

Man it's been hard to think straight lately! I feel like my social skills are on the decline because I'm standing between two worlds right now. Even though I've been at school for almost a week now, I still feel like my half intraverted self is in home mode when instead I want to be all perked and ready to receive conversation with people as I go through my activities and classes each day.

So much has been poured into my mind this week. I'll try my best to think through each one equally, tho some things that have come to mind are older than others.

I'm back to the basics of why I'm living and it feels good yet almost too simple for my female mind to just accept.
I spent so much time last semester wondering what to do, where to go from here, potential major changes, minors, grad schools, study abroad, internships...oye.

Woah, that's an overload.

On the last day of the University Ministries retreat, God led me to Matthew 28:19-20: The Great Commission.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you to the very end of the age."

God just spoke a reminder of my gifts and passions and that when all of it is combined my niche is in ministry. As much as I love that, it's hard to be okay with it. The practical mind I've been brought up wants to fight it or find creative ways of being "successful" and completely given over to God's work at the same time.

Can't I just surrender?
Yes. We all can.

This is what He said to me:
Sarah, don't forget why you live. I have called you to be mine. Not so that you and I can be the only ones to love each other, but so you can share my love with others and bring them into my arms.
Don't keep it in, share my heart for the world with the world.

He reminded me to trust Him. To make trust a verb.