Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Family Business, Jack Johnson, and Everything Awesome In Between!

AT LAST!!!!!
For those of you that don't know, my brother, sister and I have been working at starting a photography business together. Weddings, Fashion, Headshots, Bands, Marketing...ya know, for all that fun stuff in life!
Well, my sister just sent me the link to the blog and it's great!

I have to say, my gratitude for my brother and sister has risen at the sight of that blog. Seeing something online for it is making me realize just how real it is... they have put way more work into the company than I even realized since I'm here in my little college world just trying to get to graduation and shooting for ministries before really invest my time into this business.
But it's SO exciting! So check it out! My brother's the one who's been shooting everything that's on the blog right now (I'll be adding some VERY soon!) but there will be more to come!!


I had to write a paper for class with the topic "Technology and its impact on...[fill in the blank]" and had a lightbulb moment when I thought of the recent CD I had bought, Jack Johnson's Sleep Through The Static, and how the album was recorded using 100% solar energy.

So I checked out his website and it is AMAZING what Jack Johnson and his crew are doing to minimize waste! (Yes, I am an environmentalist in the making) But this other organization: One Percent for the Planet is SO cool. :) They basically just work with businesses to donate 1% toward a cause that FTP is partnered with. I looked at the website and without hesitation thought "I would love to work with these guys!" I don't know why, it just seemed intriguing. :)

Enjoy surfing these sites! :-D

Thursday, February 14, 2008

I Can't Keep Waiting to Live[!]

I just can't do homework right now. Though I've been pushing myself from the moment I woke up entertaining the idea of skipping my 8am class, I managed to convince myself to move. Class is important. Do what it takes to keep an A. But I've had the urge to write a blog since yesterday evening.


My spirit is starving right now.
Alright now, no breakdowns in the Beaman are allowed. :)

Lord, with You, there's nothing I cannot do.
My hands, my feet, my everything.
My life, my love: Lord use me.
I wanna set the world on fire.

There isn't one specific thing to pinpoint the ache in my heart's a bunch of things linked to one another.

But there are some song lyrics that seem to encompass my heart as a whole right now:
"I found when I said yes that I'd never be the same.
Though the call is hard, You are worth it all."

Big sacrifices call for big changes.
I gave Him a big part of my heart.
Now I can't go back.
I know I don't want to, but it's hard to stay consistent in this surrender.

Fill us up and send us out, Lord.
We must go!
Live to feed the hungry,
stand beside the broken,
we must go.
Stepping forward,
keep us from just singing.
Move us into action-
we MUST go.

I must go...

College is getting harder and I don't just mean it's more academically challenging.
Sometimes I just want to burst from waiting on everything all the time-
from trying to fulfill the demands of a standard that doesn't even last for eternity.
Adrenaline has been crashing inside me like waves in a tumble.
When will the word 'adventure' finally be the label on my life?

There is so much to be praying about, but time stops for no one.
Trying to be type A sucks for someone who's so type B.
Or maybe this is a change I'm supposed to undergo.
If only classes really could be given up for lent.

Red letter day, I'm in a blue mood. Wishing that blue would just carry me away...But surely something has got to, got to, got to give cuz I can't keep waiting to live!

I have got to get out of this apathy.
It's hard when college is designed to be so specific to each individual.
Everyone's here to specialize in what they are good at, to go out and do something for their future.
Where does the balance come between self and others?
All these challenges seem to recur constantly.
I'll probably be dealing with the same stupid sin and struggles for the rest of my life.

But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom.

That is all I rest in.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

>>Severance. Brown Skin and Straddling.<<

There's so much rolling through my head right now, I don't know what to write! Augh. Frustration...

There's too many things I haven't done yet. There's too many sunsets I haven't seen.

Life is certainly an adventure, that's for sure.
But even as I'm writing this, it's frustrating me because I feel self-centered just for writing a blog.
I just have to process and this is one way that I do.
The letter I is filling up this page real fast.

God has brought my heart to such a place of surrender and blessings but with that, of course, comes so much war.
Everyday, Lord.
Everyday, I have to surrender.

It's frustrating because as much as I surrender things, they aren't fully detached from me. I still care.
I don't even want to care anymore.
Contempt towards the things I hold on to seems like the solution to make a clean cut--no pain involved.
I would be enveloped in a greater level of freedom if I didn't care.
But this is how you made me, Lord.
I am fighting my very nature.

May the vision of you be the death of me

My heart has been praying to God for a solution, for a way out, something to help re-focus. Then I went online and found this waiting for me:

“However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"
-1 Corinthians 2:9

What a promise!
Nobody can conceive what He has prepared for those of us that love Him.

Lately, I've really been struggling with my ability to connect with others at a cultural level.
This is such a personal thing to be posting online, but there's not really anyone here that would quite get it.
So I'm just gonna type it to get it out of my system.

I have been born and raised into Middle-Class White America.
But I am not white.
Nor am I solely American.
I am also Indian.
But I am not just Indian.
I am also Filipino.
A first generation immigrant.
A minority.

It is so much easier to pencil in the bubble of ASIAN/PACIFIC ISLANDER on suveys, official exams, and whatnot.
That hardly scratches the surface of who I am and where generations before me come from.

No one really understands except my family.
I am certain that is a lot of why I treasure them more than anyone.
And I LOVE my roots. I wouldn't trade them for anything. Ever.

But now that I am older, I am realizing that I am not the same as my white friends or my black friends.
I feel so unidentifiable at times.
Even now I feel afraid to completely be my true self...
More than anything, I feel like I lack the freedom to be naturally goofy or silly with people.
As if my humor is acted out in a different way than what everyone else would understand.

I hate how serious I am much of the time.
Laughter brings such a connection among people.
There is nothing like laughing 'til my stomach hurts.
But I am not sure people would actually laugh that hard with me.
I'm not sure I would laugh that hard with them...

And the whole 'significant other' thing?
Gosh, I'm afraid.
It's hard to grasp the idea of being able to really laugh/talk and be myself 100% with someone outside my culture group the way I laugh with my family.
But I want to see that connection made!

Coming back to the fact that we are all created in God's image and are all made for the same purpose always gives me rest.
Though I doubt God brought culture into the world to be ignored.
So I'm trying to figure it out, God.
I am an Indian-Filipino-American.
Whatever that means...

...that means, with the unique things You have put into my life, they will come together to be used for your glory.

I already see that, without my background, I doubt I'd be so in love with different cultures the way I am.

So, I think I have the spiritual side of it down and all, but Father, give me understanding at a cultural level.

In Jesus' Name I pray,